Nefarious Wanker

Why is it that if a guy is nice to a girl, things will never work out between the two of them?

But if a girl is in a relationship in which she is ignored, practically non-existent to the guy, she keeps coming back for more?

Why is it that a girl would never leave the guy no matter how bad he treats her?

Why is it that a girl would find it difficult to let go of a jerk, but will never let in someone else, who is 100 times better?

Why, why and why?

Stand tall, they’ll break your heart.
Stand tall, they’ll smash your ego.
Stand tall, they’ll tear you down.
Stand tall, scar your soul.

I always pride myself as a person who has his feet firmly planted on the ground. And no matter what happens, I will still be able to think rationally, I will not do things that I am not supposed to do. But recent events have made me question my beliefs. And I am faltering. Badly. It’s like slowly, I am giving them up. I feel slowly but surely I am spiraling into a dark abyss, and that my world is closing in on me.

Work nowadays is becoming really irksome. Gone were the days where I am in the vicinity of the office by 7.30 a.m. Now I consider myself even lucky if I can drag myself out of bed by that time. There was a time when I came back to Malaysia, I felt that I have found my true calling. I actually enjoy what I am doing. Now? I can’t put that into words. This is exactly what I had to go through before I called it quits, when I said enough is enough. That the time has come to pack my bags and leave.

I am stressed out. I am becoming more of an introvert. But on the other hand, I am doing things that I was once famous for, which was to challenge authority and see how far I can go before I get caught. The adrenaline rush from this calms me. It helps me focus on the task at hand. It helps me to plodder on. It keeps me focused.

Then there’s you. The past week has been out of the ordinary. We are different but same in many ways. Kinda ironic. I know I am just kidding myself, that I am building castles in the air, imagining things that will never materialize. But when we met up everyday for the past one week, I felt happy. But this will come to an end. And that really, really pains me.

Do you live, do you die
Do you bleed for the fantasy?
In your mind, through your eyes
Do you see it’s the fantasy?

And to answer the question you posed to me last night, the answer is YES!

Hey You,

I don’t know why we are playing hide and seek. We were fine before this. I noticed something amiss when you didn’t reply my sms. I thought you were busy with your stuff and I left it at that.

Hey You,

I saw you in the office today. And you pretended not to notice me at all. This is hard to do, as I was sitting right in front of the door. It was even stranger that you could notice our mutual friend who was sitting behind me. And when you walked up to him to say hi, you pretended that I didn’t exist.

Hey You,

If I had done anything to upset you, I am truly sorry. But as far as my memory serves me, I am sure I haven’t done anything wrong. I hope that you will tell me someday why we are avoiding each other now.

Hey You,

Or maybe the reason is I’m not good enough to be your friend, and that my face makes you want to puke. If that’s the case, then I have nothing to say. After all, I am God’s creation.

HAPPY FUCKIN’ BIRTHDAY, FROM SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T EXIST IN YOUR WORLD!

Have you ever woken up one day and thought, Yeah I’m up, so what now? Most of my days have now become a monotous routine of just going through the daily motions. Nothing much happens, except when I am bombarded with the same repetitive questions that is now the main reason my pubes are falling off.

There has to be more to life in’it? How long more am I supposed to roam this earth like a headless chicken married to my left hand so much so that my testicles now resemble that of a grapefruit? If someone were to cut me up, I’m sure that there’ll be bats flying out from my corpse. Nothing interesting ever happens that excites me anymore.

Last night as I were checking out my Friendster account (yes, I have one so sue me!), I’ve realized something. Most of my buds are married and now they all have a lot of little wasted sperm tagging along. Now that explains why I only have 4 best friends nowadays, and out of these 4, The Kakunz is busy chasing rich guys and The Cock is having his little penis bitch slapped all the way to Africa everyday. The Flying Pork Seller is now in a band trying to entice primary school girls to sleep with him being the pedophile that he is while the remaining friend, The Bing spends his days at home watching his porn collection while enjoying a plate of rice and curry.

So this brings me to question, how do you get a girl, someone who is so insecure about herself, to actually be involved with a guy? I’ve had my fair share of marriage proposals, most of them which I rejected on the basis of not having boobs big enough for me tit fuck (call me shallow but it’s every guys dream to tit fuck!). But seriously, was there a 4 credit hour’s class I missed back in college where the subject matter was on girls? And if there wasn’t such a class, it’s fucking time they should have one goddamnit!

So yeah, the conclusion of my latest nonsensical drivel is when the heck am I gonna get a girl to ask me to stand beside her under her umbrella…ella…ella…hey….hey hey??