Have you ever woken up one day and thought, Yeah I’m up, so what now? Most of my days have now become a monotous routine of just going through the daily motions. Nothing much happens, except when I am bombarded with the same repetitive questions that is now the main reason my pubes are falling off.

There has to be more to life in’it? How long more am I supposed to roam this earth like a headless chicken married to my left hand so much so that my testicles now resemble that of a grapefruit? If someone were to cut me up, I’m sure that there’ll be bats flying out from my corpse. Nothing interesting ever happens that excites me anymore.

Last night as I were checking out my Friendster account (yes, I have one so sue me!), I’ve realized something. Most of my buds are married and now they all have a lot of little wasted sperm tagging along. Now that explains why I only have 4 best friends nowadays, and out of these 4, The Kakunz is busy chasing rich guys and The Cock is having his little penis bitch slapped all the way to Africa everyday. The Flying Pork Seller is now in a band trying to entice primary school girls to sleep with him being the pedophile that he is while the remaining friend, The Bing spends his days at home watching his porn collection while enjoying a plate of rice and curry.

So this brings me to question, how do you get a girl, someone who is so insecure about herself, to actually be involved with a guy? I’ve had my fair share of marriage proposals, most of them which I rejected on the basis of not having boobs big enough for me tit fuck (call me shallow but it’s every guys dream to tit fuck!). But seriously, was there a 4 credit hour’s class I missed back in college where the subject matter was on girls? And if there wasn’t such a class, it’s fucking time they should have one goddamnit!

So yeah, the conclusion of my latest nonsensical drivel is when the heck am I gonna get a girl to ask me to stand beside her under her umbrella…ella…ella…hey….hey hey??