It’s 50 years of achieving independence tomorrow, we are still thinking like our fore-fathers. Wait a minute, we are worst than our fore-fathers. At least when they wanted to achieve independence, they managed to see beyond race and religious lines. They saw each human as their equal after the same thing. They knew that they had to work together to achieve a better life for themselves, they knew that had to work together to ensure a better future for their children and grandchildren.

But today? We have taken ten steps backwards. What are my allegations based on, you may ask? Simple really. I am experiencing it in my daily life. I see people so stuck in their ways, mixing from people from the same background as theirs, afraid of venturing out and broadening their horizons and learning new things different people have to offer. We no longer see people as another equal human being, but instead we are being segregated along racial lines.

And what’s with all the racial taunting we see everyday? How did this ever come about? Why is there a great need for one race to prove that they are better than the other races, even though their rights are well provided for in the constitution? Why do we still see the our elected wakil rakyat waving their keris and talking about Ketuanan Melayu? And why has the Parliamentary debates become so farcical? Why aren’t they instead debating more pertinent matters like why are many Malaysians out there are so disenchanted with the country? Why are they feeling like the grass is greener in another country? And it’s also very ironic that instead of making Malaysia a place for the rakyat to truly call their home, we are trying so hard to attract foreigners to make Malaysia their second home?

Today, we no longer see the assimilation of races. We no longer see children mixing outside their race. And what is even more sickening, they can’t bear to see someone from amongst them being friendly to someone who’s not the same skin colour as them. They will have a brainwashing session trying to make that person change his ways, as if he has committed the biggest crime on earth. It’s a wonder that this kind of thinking still exist today!

It’s been 50 years. And yet we have yet to fully achieve greatness to substantiate our existence as a country. We are still lagging behind countries like Japan, who had to endure near total devastation from 2 atomic bombs, we are still lagging behind Singapore that is not blessed with natural resources that we have, we are lagging behind India and China that are slowly emerging as the next superpower and economic giant. And what about us? We have yet to be united under Bangsa Malaysia. We are still picking at each other’s race and what their race are entitled too. Mind boggling.

I don’t know. To me, Merdeka is nothing much to celebrate about. Yes, we may have achieved much, but in many ways we are still backwards. We should not be wasting our time championing a particular race, instead we should be championing the cause of Malaysia. I’m sure in the eyes of the world, we are a laughing stock. And yet, I don’t see anyone capable of changing things for us, Malaysians.

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1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up”.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up”.

10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit”.

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again”.

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking, “Oh shit, what the hell happened?”

Bonus:

26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old ass. Then you forward it to a bunch of old friends ‘cause you know they’ll enjoy it too.

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Have you ever woken up one day and thought, Yeah I’m up, so what now? Most of my days have now become a monotous routine of just going through the daily motions. Nothing much happens, except when I am bombarded with the same repetitive questions that is now the main reason my pubes are falling off.

There has to be more to life in’it? How long more am I supposed to roam this earth like a headless chicken married to my left hand so much so that my testicles now resemble that of a grapefruit? If someone were to cut me up, I’m sure that there’ll be bats flying out from my corpse. Nothing interesting ever happens that excites me anymore.

Last night as I were checking out my Friendster account (yes, I have one so sue me!), I’ve realized something. Most of my buds are married and now they all have a lot of little wasted sperm tagging along. Now that explains why I only have 4 best friends nowadays, and out of these 4, The Kakunz is busy chasing rich guys and The Cock is having his little penis bitch slapped all the way to Africa everyday. The Flying Pork Seller is now in a band trying to entice primary school girls to sleep with him being the pedophile that he is while the remaining friend, The Bing spends his days at home watching his porn collection while enjoying a plate of rice and curry.

So this brings me to question, how do you get a girl, someone who is so insecure about herself, to actually be involved with a guy? I’ve had my fair share of marriage proposals, most of them which I rejected on the basis of not having boobs big enough for me tit fuck (call me shallow but it’s every guys dream to tit fuck!). But seriously, was there a 4 credit hour’s class I missed back in college where the subject matter was on girls? And if there wasn’t such a class, it’s fucking time they should have one goddamnit!

So yeah, the conclusion of my latest nonsensical drivel is when the heck am I gonna get a girl to ask me to stand beside her under her umbrella…ella…ella…hey….hey hey??

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When people ask me what’s the most annoying thing about a person, I would say it’s their dinner table manners. No where was a man’s breeding or lack thereof more on display than at the table. Nothing indicates a well bred man more than a proper mode of eating. A man may pass muster by dressing well, and may sustain himself tolerably in conversation; but if he be not perfectly “au fait”, dinner will betray him.

I mean isn’t it just absolutely disgusting when you are in the mood to enjoy your well prepared dinner, only to have your appetite ruined by the absolutely irritating and disgusting noises made by the other guests at the dinner table? Oh for god’s sake, please spare a thought for others at the table!! How would you like it if I went sllluurrrrp! Sluuurrrp! Slluurrrpp! with each mouthful? Oh wait, I forgot that you were raised by trailer park trash to have any feelings, my bad.

Table manners. It’s really easy to follow, and if you do follow them, rest assured the person sitting next to you will no longer feel like jabbing your eyes out with a spoon or puke all over your food! So without much further ado, here are a few simple table manners.

1. NEVER start eating before a signal from the host to do so.

2. Forks should not be turned over unless being used for eating peas, sweetcorn kernels, rice or other similar foods. In which case, it should be transferred to the right hand. However, at a casual buffet, or barbecue, it is quite acceptable to eat with just a fork.

3. When eating with fork and spoons, do not bang the fork or spoon or make any sound. As a general note, the base of the spoon or fork should never touch the plate when scooping up food. Don’t try to scoop up food and make noise with your cutlery as if your are playing drums.

4. It is not generally regarded as good dinner table etiquette to use one’s bread for dipping into soups or mopping up sauces.

5. Loud eating noises such as slurping and burping are very impolite. The number 1 sin of Dinner Table Etiquette! Save all your Slluurrpps for somewhere else, like when you want to enjoy the boogers you so meticulously picked from your nose!

6. Talking with one’s mouth full. Is not only unpleasant to watch, but could also lead to choking! Definately not a good idea!

7. Don’t stretch across the table crossing other guests to reach food, wine or condiments. Instead ask a guest sitting close to pass the item to you.

8. Good dinner table etiquette sometimes involves a degree of diplomacy when it comes to the host’s choice of food and wine! Even if you feel that you can do better, don’t ever offer your criticism. If you feel unable to pay any compliments, at least remain silent on the subject.

9. Picking teeth (unless toothpicks are provided) or licking fingers are very unattractive! The only exception to the latter is when eating meat or poultry on the bone (such as chicken legs or ribs). In which case, a finger bowl should be provided.

10. Don’t forget to make polite conversation with those guests around you. Dinner parties are not just about the food, they are intended to be a sociable occasion!

There I’ve outlined them. These simple rules would not change the fact that you were ill-bred, but heck, it sure can work wonders to mask the fact you were!

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Life, it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can’t be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he’s gone

No one but me can save myself, but it’s too late
Now I can’t think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye, *Goodbye*

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