Hi Dr. Nefarious,

I think my boyfriend is cheating on me. He no longer pays the same amount of attention he used to. Nowadays, he has become really cold and distant. He no longer makes the effort to surprise me and I feel our relationship deteriorating fast. At first I dispelled the notion of him having a relationship with someone else, but now I can no longer do that. I really love him and I don’t want to lose him. But I also can’t stand the fact the he might be cheating on me. What should I do?

Girl Desperate To Find True Love

Dear Desperate Housewife,

So you think that your boyfriend might be cheating on you? That really is the pits. But do you really want to know what is worse than that? It’s people’s lame ass status messages about how Transformers the movie was really awesome. The point is these people weren’t even born when transformers the cartoon made its rounds on the telly. Yet these pimply faced nerds are the ones who are screaming at the top of their tar laced lungs proclaiming to be such big fans of the cartoon.

Heck, when I was at the cinema queuing up to buy tickets to the movie, I saw a group of the most horrendously looking nerds salivating at their mouth getting all excited about the movie, and spewing random useless facts about Transformers. I hate it when these nerds always make a useless show as something their world revolves around. There are enough Star Trek and Star Wars nerds walking around, we don’t need another gathering for Transformers nerds. You don’t fucking own them, and you definitely didn’t create them, so please stop acting like you do.

Also, I feel sorry for these people because they didn’t have good cartoons to watch while growing up. When I was growing up, I had Tom & Jerry, The Road Runner, Bugs Bunny, Thundercats, He-Man, Mask, Transformers, Voltron and Alvin & The Chipmunks. The faggots nowadays are only suited to watching Teletubbies and god knows what else. So please stop envying us and stick to what your own nerdy generation has to offer you damn nerds!!!!!