1. When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.

2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3. Ask if you can push the buttons for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you’re on.

5. Hold the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After awhile, let the doors close and say, “Hi Greg. How’s your day been?”

6. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”

7. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8. Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they’d like to play.

10. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

11. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exit with the passengers.

12. Ask, “Did you feel that?”

13. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14. When the doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay. Don’t panic, they open up again.”

15. Swat at flies that don’t exist.

16. Tell people that you can see their aura.

17. Call out, “Group hug!” then enforce it.

18. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering “Shut up, all of you, just shut up!”

19. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, “Got enough air in there?”

20. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, “You’re one of THEM!” and back away slowly.

22. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23. Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25. Grinning, stare at another passenger for a while, and then announce, “I have new socks on.”

26. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, “This is my personal space.”

27. Offer name tags to all the other passengers. Wear yours upside down.

28. When the elevator reaches a floor, pretend you’re struggling to open the door. And when it opens, by itself, play embarrassed.

29. Murmur, “Have to pee, have to pee”, then say “Oooppps!”

30. Scream out Geronimo every time the door opens.

31. When everything is quiet, ask “Who’s cell phone is that?”

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The perfect words never crossed my mind
‘cause there was nothing in there but you
I felt every ounce of me screaming out
But the sound was trapped deep in me
All I wanted just spin right past me
While I was rooted fast to the earth
I could be stuck here for a thousand years
Without your arms to drag me out

There you are standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety

No I wont wait forever

In the confusion and the aftermath
You are my signal fire
The only resolution and the only joy
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes

There you are standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety

There you are standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety

No I wont wait forever

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So did you see the match last night, between Arsenal and Maureen’s ‘Chelski was the better team’ Chelsea? Arsenal was as usual quite wasteful and appalling and they obviously miss the service of Henry.

But in the end, guess who is the actual winners? Why take a guess. I know you can guess the correct answer. You still don’t?

Well it’s Sir Fergilicious ManYoo that has been crowned champions again after a three year wait. I bet The Head Boy from Neviller must be pleased.

So that’s that. Now lets just hope we can win the Fuckup FA Cup to claim the double this season.

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1. The attacks were retaliatory as it seems they were provoked first.

2. Two bombs were dropped, and the oil depots were burning, and the attackers returned to base.

3. There were injuries reported from people on the ground.

4. This is the 1st time anti aircraft were fired.

5. This is the 3rd attack in a month.

6. Spoken to people at the High Commission, and they viewed the situation as critical, and was advised to leave if possible.

7. Two days later there were reports the government lost 2 jet fighters.

8. Two major airlines have canceled all flights to and from here, while another made changes to its schedule and will only have daytime flights.

9. There was a panic to stock up on food.

10. Bosses still deliberating to pull us out from here.

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